I have a long-standing battle with food.
For most of my life, I didn’t know that a struggle with food existed. Until I got to college, I just ate whatever I wanted. In high school, that typically meant unhealthy food and lots of drive-through. Even as a high schooler, I was constantly busy and had no time to eat meals that my family cooked. I drank Coke and ate Steak ‘N Shake multiple times a week when I drove home from late night music rehearsals.
During my freshman year of college, I was required to walk to all my classes. Doing that one good habit made me lose 10 pounds. Then I started eating a little healthier; less red meat, no Coke. That decision helped me lose another 10 pounds. Then I found my love of fitness and the pounds kept shedding.
But I still struggled with food when I was stressed. And then after my dad passed away, my grief consumed me emotionally. I would eat unhealthy foods then spend days beating myself up. The cycle was vicious, and it led to my first steps into an eating disorder.
I was losing weight and I loved it. I had never been wore pants below size 13 in my life. I loved that I could now where an 8. But with that love of trying to please everyone came a hatred of my body. I had to keep working out and eating perfectly. If I didn’t eat perfectly, I would fight with myself because I thought I was weak. Eventually, this terrible pattern grew to Binge Eating Disorder. I would eat mildly healthy during the week, binge on the weekends, and then beat myself up most of Sunday. I would walk down grocery store aisles and find something wrong with every item of food. I told myself I couldn’t have it because it was “bad.” I deprived myself of a lot of things and would frequently eat alone.
After months, I started to see a therapist who helped me see my incorrect thinking. I improved a lot and was able to get out of the web — for a while.
After college, I got an amazing job at my dream place. With this job came high levels of stress. I never let my fitness dwindle. In fact, I upped the ante by training for a marathon. Slowly, my Binge Eating Disorder creeped back into my life. I had a routine and I can still recite it to you. Five small meals a day; three of the meals were protein bars (full of chemicals), breakfast was an egg white sandwich, dinner was a veggie sandwich and broccoli. That was Sunday through Thursday.
Friday dinner through Saturday dinner I would let myself eat whatever I wanted. I usually would hit convenience stores and get any and all foods I craved — Snoballs, Cheez-Its, Oreos, chips — you name it. After I got my stockpile, I would go park somewhere and eat in my car because I didn’t want the “bad” food in my house. I ate alone and in shame. I would go to fast food places and get whatever I wanted. Once the clock hit midnight on Saturday, my carriage turned into a pumpkin and I had to retreat back to my tortuous routine. I constantly wondered why I was so tired and I thought about each meal the moment I finished one.
Then a huge blow came to me when a relationship went TOXIC. And I mean TOXIC. My life blew up emotionally and I fell into a deep depression. My Binge Eating Disorder was out of control, I didn’t want to get out of bed, and I contemplated suicide. I finally sought a therapist who started to help me. Slowly, I started to repair my relationship with food and myself.
For most of us, the problem with food is that food is not the problem; food is a symptom of our internal struggle. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, loved. I always wondered what it was I did wrong and why I couldn’t be happy like everyone else. That is what I had to work on first. My relationship with myself became my number one priority. With the help of my therapist, my family, and books like “Women, Food, and God,” “A Return to Love,” and “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life,” I was able to improve myself to the point where I was finally happy on the inside.
Food wasn’t a struggle as much, but I still wanted to be healthier. I needed something I didn’t have to think about that I could rely on. I was a non-believer of Shakeology when I did P90X and Insanity. NON. BELIEVER. You couldn’t have PAID me to try it. I thought it was some crazy money-making scheme. I went through YEARS of eating every single protein bar, protein powder, and nutritional shake. EAS? Done it. MET-RX? Done it. Vega? Done it. Amazing Grass? Done it. Raw Meal? Done it. I can go on and on. Seriously, It can.
What a waste!!! Some of the big containers I couldn’t even finish because I just couldn’t take another drink of it! Money down the drain.
But then I finally decided I’ve spent all that money on trying to find THE ONE, that I might as well try the one I was resisting the most “just to be sure.” So when I got in my first challenge group in 2014, I finally took the dive. I was literally scared for my first sip. I “just knew” it was going to be bad. Then I drank Vegan Tropical Strawberry and my life changed. I thought, “Why in the heck did I not try this sooner? Why was my ego getting in my way?”
Since then, I have had it every day first thing when I wake up. It has given me more energy and helped me maintain good eating habits. Plus, you are getting your daily value of nutrients. It has been instrumental in my fitness journey. I’ve had less food cravings. Oh, and by the way, I’ve tried every juice/smoothie drink out there, too. Naked? Done it. Suja? Done it. BluePrint? Done it. I could go on. These don’t even compare to Shakeology and taste about a million times better. Even the cold-pressed juices, which have a ton more nutritional value than the smoothie juices, don’t compare nutritionally to Shakeology.
In 2015, I completed the 21 Day Fix and 21 Day Fix Extreme. Here I found the genius of the container system. It is a solution in a box. This program showed me how much I was overdoing or missing in my meals. It also gave me great recipe ideas.
Now, I am on a mission to spread the message that everyone should eat like you love yourself. If you struggle with food, let’s connect and I can help you every step of the way. I’ve lived firsthand the struggles with food. There are no bad foods. You were meant to be happy when you eat. Let’s get you on the way to a happy relationship with food AND yourself.